Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Film: Hook

I saw this movie in the theater for my friend's birthday. I remember it was either this or My Girl that we were gonna see and he took a vote. I've seen Hook quite a few times but still have never seen My Girl. At this point in my life it just doesn't sound worthwhile. Anyway, I'm going to be watching this and I'll write about things I notice when I look up from the work I'm doing.

What kind of creepy kid draws a picture of a crashing airplane while they're on the airplane. That's about as tasteful as plane crash jokes and bomb jokes. If I was sitting next to a 13 year old kid drawing a picture of the plane crashing I might get concerned. Maybe he's up to no good like the kid in the Omen? And then the "sweet" second child wants to rub the acrophobic dad's nose in the fact that he isn't depicted with a parachute. Coincidentally, I've never heard of any one parachuting from a crashing jet airplane, though I've often thought that was a good idea. (We'd all need ejection seats as well, and if someone ejected accidentally it would ruin the flight for the rest of us.) Also, that drawing looks like it was done by a preschooler and Jack is like 13 years old. I guess he isn't an artist. Maybe my older sister would have something knowledgeable to say about how the crude use of crayon and inaccurate depictions of everything in the drawing indicate that the child is very angry. Probably abused. Maybe he was so angry that he drew it while holding the crayon in his fist. I guess that makes more sense.

Okay, so Dad is on an important business call and the kids run into the room and climb on his back and start yelling. Wife is right there but doesn't really discourage them. Finally, dad, stressing about work problems, starts yelling at the kids to be quiet, which freaks everyone else out. The kids run out and his wife throws his cellphone out the window. (Maybe it's a satellite phone.) This doesn't add up. Is this the first phone call he's gotten at home? I guess so, considering that the kids don't know to be quiet or to at least not climb on daddy while he's talking business. And Jack gets genuinely frightened when Peter starts yelling. But if it's his first business call at home, his first time yelling at the kids, maybe throwing a cellphone out the window isn't justified. If he takes office calls at home all the time, and his wife is just fed up with him always putting work before family, why were the kids allowed to climb on him anyway? Why do both kids know his silly "my word is my bond" catchphrase if they're half-expecting him to schedule meetings over their baseball games and whatnot? This could have all been more clear.

Why did Tinker Bell deposit the sleeping Peter at the pirates' cove? Maybe that'll become clear later. Nope. Maybe so he could get the kids right away but then she's shushing him to try to keep him unseen. I guess maybe she had a plan to sneak the kids out.

The scene where Tinker Bell becomes human-sized is very odd. How did it happen? She explains it with "This is the only wish I've ever wished for myself." And then she just turns small again at the end of the scene. Are there no other fairies? Not in this movie for some reason.

The scheme to make Jack love Captain Hook is like something out of a cartoon television episode. Maybe something out of Duck Tales. Would that really work? How fast does Stockholm Syndrome kick in? Jack can forget that you were about to drown and within three days will be defending you? It's true that we primarily remember the best times of every bad relationship. This could be a traumatic experience for poor Jack.

It's curious that Peter eventually remembers being Peter Pan, but then has some kind of identity crisis where he devolves into a child and forgets that he has kids at all.  "Peter Pan has kids?!?"  Like Peter Pan and Peter Banning cannot co-exist in his personality.  How long was he in Neverland as Peter Pan originally?  Those could be a lot of memories to suddenly fit your head around.  Somehow it all works out by the end of the movie and he pretty much adjusts, besides not remembering what a cellphone is, but I'm not sure how it happened.

Why is Smee a street cleaner at the end?  They imply that maybe it was all a dream, like the Wizard of Oz, but then Uncle Toodles takes off flying in front of everyone.

This movie is a combination of wonderful evocative writing, taken almost directly from the book, and terrible, terrible writing to either make it more palatable to kids or show how hip the new lost boys have become. I guess they were trying to provide a more updated story but it's those very updated aspects that are clearly inferior. At least Captain Hook's writing is generally good. I enjoyed all his scenes.

Captain Hook: Who didn't believe I could do it? Who doubted me? Who amongst us does not belong? Someone here does not belong; a stranger amongst loyal, I'll weed you out!
Captain Hook: Prepare to die, Peter Pan! Peter: To die would be a grand adventure!
Captain Hook: Death is the only adventure you have left!

Captain Hook: Peter! Where are you going? Come back here and fight me! Or I'll find you wherever you are, you hear me? Bad form, Peter, come back!
Maggie: You need a mother very, very badly!

Rufio: Rufio! Rufio!
Peter: Oh, Rufio, why don't you just go suck on a dead dog's nose.

Captain Hook: You know you're not really Peter Pan, don't you? This is only a dream. When you wake up, you'll just be Peter Banning - a cold, selfish man who drinks too much, is obsessed with success, and runs and hides from his wife and children!
(I was thinking this at exactly the same time.  This was a good bit of writing.)

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